Why Am I Alone?

Do not ask yourself that question.

If you do, you are headed down a path of failure and misery.

The answer propels you on a fault-finding mission, sets you up for agony and self-doubt. The result is diminished self-esteem and confidence.

The answer…you change the question.

If you have been without a partner for a long time it is natural to wonder why.

I want you to think about the power of your internal story and the impact that this negatively slanted question has on your confidence.

Notice what happens when you ask yourself the question, “Why am I still single?”  Bet you get a lump in your throat, your heart rate accelerates, and you feel tension in some part of your body.

“I am Failing” Theme Song

Pay attention to your thoughts when you start panicking and you will notice that you are seized by unnecessary fear. Your thoughts will be some variation of the “I am failing” theme.

Fear is a faulty motivator and leads to poor decision making about future potential partners. When you are shut down with fear not much will happen and your worst fear, that there is no one to love you, will be confirmed.

Here is where the solid question comes in. The question that is going to move you away from fear, failure and shame.

Zone of Expansiveness and Possibility

At the panic point say to yourself: “Alright, this is just where I am at. How do I get the most out of this phase of my life? “

Here are some answers I have heard from clients: “I am going to learn to paint”, “I am going to reach out to old friends”, “I am going to be myself”.

This is called radical acceptance and it releases the pressure to be somewhere other than where you are in any given moment.

Experiment with the power of your mind, think of this as a mental adventure. Give yourself some time to figure out what you want, be more generous with yourself and others.

Tags: Acceptance, Let It Be, Relationship

This entry was posted on Monday, June 13th, 2011 at 8:00 AM and is filed under Thoughts and Therapy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.