Monday, October 11th, 2010
When you refuse to forgive, you hold tenaciously to your anger. When you forgive cheaply, you simply let your anger go. Is there another way of looking at this age old dilemma?
Is forgiveness good for you? Is it necessary to forgive in order to heal? Perhaps not. Read more »
Monday, October 4th, 2010
Approach is showing interest, enjoyment, compassion and care. You turn towards each other.
Avoid means you want to get away from your partner, blow off their perspective or have them shut up. The implication is that the other is not worth your attention.
Attack is an attempt to undermine confidence, to get the other person to agree with you and do what you want. Read more »
Saturday, September 25th, 2010
This is what I often hear from individual clients as the reason for seeking psychotherapy.
Charlotte Kasl, PhD. has written a brilliant book, If The Buddha Got Stuck, about the psychological make up of people who get stuck in their lives and relationships. Read more »
Monday, September 20th, 2010
This is the dream that couples are chasing after. The nightmare begins when attempts to “support” our partner become controlling gestures.
How does support get confused with control? Read more »
Monday, August 16th, 2010
When you alter your relationship with yourself, your external world will be altered accordingly.
The issues in our relationships are mirroring back to us our internal issues with ourselves. If you are having difficulty sustaining intimate, nurturing and committed relationships: the place to look is your relationship with yourself.
In what ways am I failing to love, nurture and commit to myself? Read more »
Saturday, August 7th, 2010
This is not for the faint of heart.
I hear many of my clients say: “I can’t believe I do this to myself over and over again. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I find someone to love me?” Read more »
Monday, July 12th, 2010
“Whenever you are pointing your finger at someone, notice that there are always three fingers pointing back at you.”
Great quote! Keep this visual in mind next time you find yourself lapsing into making excuses and blaming others for your choices.
Stop and ask yourself, “What is it that I am unwilling to be responsible for in this situation?” Read more »
Monday, July 12th, 2010
Taking your shoes off means that you have to suspend your world view, cross over the bridge into your partner’s world and imagine what they might be feeling.
All you can do is guess. It is the intention to try and understand what your partner is experiencing that makes the impact. Read more »
Friday, July 2nd, 2010
Let go of the attachment of being right and suddenly your mind is more open. You can benefit from the unique viewpoints of others without being crippled and limited by your own judgment.
When we move away from the need to be right and the necessity to have our perspective dominate the relationship then we are ready to learn the art of validation. Read more »
Tuesday, June 29th, 2010
“Did I get that?” “Is there more to that?”
Imagine hearing that from your partner when you are upset and angry. Read more »
Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
We all have patterned ways of reacting when feeling threatened, inadequate or fearful, which sabotage the possibility of connection and clarity.
We bring these patterned responses into our relationships. Often the learning begins in our family of origin. Read more »
Monday, July 13th, 2009
We use this word a lot. What does it really mean? How is a respectful relationship created?
In the first couples session I used to ask “What needs to change in your relationship?” Read more »
