January 3rd, 2011
Couples often come to counselling with the mistaken notion that if the therapist changes the other person then magically all the problems will disappear.
A shift from right and wrong to an understanding of how relationships are co-created is what IMAGO Relationship Therapy is all about.
Here is what the process of change often looks like. Read more »
December 27th, 2010
So which will get you to a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner? I know, that question is a set up, the answer is obvious. And the answer is always the harder route. Read more »
December 20th, 2010
Clients are always relieved to know that there is a more accurate explanation for unhealthy patterns than the explanation they give themselves.
Usually the personal explanation is punitive, self-deprecatory, not inspiring or enlightening. Read more »
December 13th, 2010
IMAGO Therapist and innovator Hedy Schleifer was invited to give a prestigious TED Talk on the Power of Connection.
If you want deeper insight into IMAGO Couples Dialogue, this is for you.
Check out the video after the jump:
December 6th, 2010
You can hear and feel the difference between “I need you to pick up your socks” and “You are so #@!! lazy”.
One version is load and shoot and the other is artful diplomacy. The art of speaking so other people listen can be dependent on the change of just one little word.
It is amazing how the choice of a particular word can turn a receptive partner into a defensive, antagonized person. Read more »
November 29th, 2010
I notice my clients will tell themselves, “I should be able to get over this” and then judge themselves harshly for being unable to do so. It’s not a matter of letting go, you would if you could.
When you move away from the confounding statement “Let It Go” then you can start to think about the idea of “Let It Be”. This changes everything. Read more »
November 22nd, 2010
When it comes to love, things are not always what they seem.
Why is it that you block the love your partner is trying to give you? You say you want to feel close and be loved, but you behave in a way that guarantees you will not feel loved? Read more »
November 15th, 2010
There are a number of behaviours that you can change which will have an instant impact on your relationship.
What do a few of the top researchers and clinicians say about what transforms a relationship from painful and confusing to connected and secure? Read more »
November 8th, 2010
Apology is an art form, one which can be learned. There are some fundamental ingredients which form the basis of a genuine, non-defensive, responsible apology. Read more »
November 1st, 2010
Before beginning my training as an IMAGO Relationship Therapist I would hear this from my couples.
Couples would leave the sessions with insight about their relationship dynamic, ideas about what to do differently but feeling ill equipped to change their behaviour in a tense moment.
I practiced traditional couples therapy for well over a decade before beginning my training in Imago Relationship Therapy. The differences in outcome for couples has been amazing! Couples are given new skills, new ways of listening and relating.
What does the term IMAGO mean? What is IMAGO Relationship Therapy? Here is the Coles Notes version… Read more »
October 25th, 2010
They provide an immediate surge of energy and a numbing of pain – a feeling of personal power, which is a cover for underlying feelings of helplessness and inadequacy.
The upside of any amphetamine is that you get the powerful surge of confidence, but it is followed by an equally powerful crash. You drop down even lower than where you started. Read more »
October 18th, 2010
It does not come in titanic waves, it is the small steady current that determines where the stream flows.
A full relationship recovery is a quieter process. Relationships require a steady investment of time and emotional energy. Read more »
October 11th, 2010
When you refuse to forgive, you hold tenaciously to your anger. When you forgive cheaply, you simply let your anger go. Is there another way of looking at this age old dilemma?
Is forgiveness good for you? Is it necessary to forgive in order to heal? Perhaps not. Read more »
October 4th, 2010
Approach is showing interest, enjoyment, compassion and care. You turn towards each other.
Avoid means you want to get away from your partner, blow off their perspective or have them shut up. The implication is that the other is not worth your attention.
Attack is an attempt to undermine confidence, to get the other person to agree with you and do what you want. Read more »
September 25th, 2010
This is what I often hear from individual clients as the reason for seeking psychotherapy.
Charlotte Kasl, PhD. has written a brilliant book, If The Buddha Got Stuck, about the psychological make up of people who get stuck in their lives and relationships. Read more »
September 20th, 2010
This is the dream that couples are chasing after. The nightmare begins when attempts to “support” our partner become controlling gestures.
How does support get confused with control? Read more »
September 13th, 2010
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway is a crucial read for anyone considering change and needing to summon up the courage to move from thinking to action. It is a book on fear, emotional paralysis, and the importance of self-responsibility.
I have been recommending this book to clients for years. This powerful book has an impact on everyone who is ready to move from analysis paralysis to the active creation of a fulfilling life. Read more »
August 16th, 2010
When you alter your relationship with yourself, your external world will be altered accordingly.
The issues in our relationships are mirroring back to us our internal issues with ourselves. If you are having difficulty sustaining intimate, nurturing and committed relationships: the place to look is your relationship with yourself.
In what ways am I failing to love, nurture and commit to myself? Read more »
August 7th, 2010
This is not for the faint of heart.
I hear many of my clients say: “I can’t believe I do this to myself over and over again. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I find someone to love me?” Read more »
July 12th, 2010
“Whenever you are pointing your finger at someone, notice that there are always three fingers pointing back at you.”
Great quote! Keep this visual in mind next time you find yourself lapsing into making excuses and blaming others for your choices.
Stop and ask yourself, “What is it that I am unwilling to be responsible for in this situation?” Read more »
