The Eye Roll

Contempt, the relationship destroyer.

By the time it has infiltrated your relationship you are in big trouble.

One of the clearest signs that you need outside help is a common and simple facial expression: The Eye Roll.

It is a sign that you no longer value your partner.

When criticism fails to work, and it always does, couples resort to insults, sarcasm and name calling in a twisted attempt to get their needs met or hurt the other person.

Contempt is a sarcastic, n0n-verbal gesture that makes it impossible to deal with the underlying hurt or disagreement. The recipient of The Eye Roll has nothing tangible to work with or respond to. A powerful message of disdain and rejection is sent in a passive aggressive manner.

There is an air of arrogance and superiority in the contemptuous person which creates an underlying current of hostility.

Zero Tolerance

While everyone behaves like this sometimes, highly distressed couples feed each other a steady diet of contempt. Continue to behave in this way and you are on the fast track to divorce.

In the successful relationship, there is an agreement to eliminate all negativity.

If you are concerned about your use of Contempt ask yourself the following questions:

• When you fall into the trap of contempt, how is it triggered?
• What payoff do you get when you are contemptuous? Be honest about the gains of this behaviour.
• What personal price do you pay for behaving contemptuously?
• Did you witness contempt between your parents?
• How often do you express admiration for your partner? Is the admiration received? Are you able to take in admiration?

Really, and I mean really, consider the implications of Contempt.

When you behave contemptuously, is this in line with your values and the image you have of your ideal self?  When you act out of alignment with your core values you can not be at peace and everyone pays a price for trying to be close to you.

Tags: Contempt, Eye Roll, Relationship

This entry was posted on Monday, January 10th, 2011 at 8:00 AM and is filed under IMAGO and Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.