The Argument Trap

Continue arguing and you will become enemies.

Arguing works well for a court of law but not in your relationship.

For those of you with argumentative personalities you will want to read this post. You know who you are….

What’s so bad about arguing?

Argument is a legal term.

In a court of law, attorneys make arguments designed to show the guilt or innocence of their clients.

Facts are presented with conviction, in black and white terms.  “Truth” is presented for judgement.

This works for the court room where the emphasis is on order and judgement but is disastrous for your relationship.

Without the rules of process, and the presence of a judge to hammer down a gavel and declare the proceedings “out of order”, arguments disintegrate into yelling, screaming and crying.

Sooner or later, one person gives up and walks away from the relationship. Others stay and withdraw emotionally, stockpiling anger and resentment.

Partners are turned into enemies, viewpoints are rigid with no room for empathy or compassion.

The intent is to make the other person miserable, to hold hostages and torture until you get your way.

Life and love becomes a battlefield.

Win – Win

Get out of argument mode and into understanding mode.

Reach for understanding, stretch to understand your partner’s perspective.

Love is not coercive or demanding.

What would be best for you? – that is the question that loving partners ask.

Tags: Communication, Connection, Relationship Patterns

This entry was posted on Monday, December 12th, 2011 at 2:35 PM and is filed under IMAGO and Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.