Once love and trust are shattered can you ever get it back? Is forgiveness possible?
Dr. Janis Abrahams Spring in her book, After the Affair, answers “yes” to these questions…providing that each of you is willing to look honestly at yourself and your relationship, and acquire the skills you need to get yourself through this crisis. Read more »
Couples often come to counselling with the mistaken notion that if the therapist changes the other person then magically all the problems will disappear.
A shift from right and wrong to an understanding of how relationships are co-created is what IMAGO Relationship Therapy is all about.
Here is what the process of change often looks like. Read more »
Your partner is angry and and you ask, “What Did I Do?”
Your tone is a dead give away whether you are defensive or curious. Do you respond or react?
So which will get you to a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner? I know, that question is a set up, the answer is obvious. And the answer is always the harder route. Read more »
You can hear and feel the difference between “I need you to pick up your socks” and “You are so #@!! lazy”.
One version is load and shoot and the other is artful diplomacy. The art of speaking so other people listen can be dependent on the change of just one little word.
It is amazing how the choice of a particular word can turn a receptive partner into a defensive, antagonized person. Read more »
If you do, you’re guaranteed to keep the love out, too.
When it comes to love, things are not always what they seem.
Why is it that you block the love your partner is trying to give you? You say you want to feel close and be loved, but you behave in a way that guarantees you will not feel loved?Read more »
There are a number of behaviours that you can change which will have an instant impact on your relationship.
What do a few of the top researchers and clinicians say about what transforms a relationship from painful and confusing to connected and secure? Read more »
Your heart was in the right place and your intention was pure…what went wrong?
Apology is an art form, one which can be learned. There are some fundamental ingredients which form the basis of a genuine, non-defensive, responsible apology. Read more »
Couples would leave the sessions with insight about their relationship dynamic, ideas about what to do differently but feeling ill equipped to change their behaviour in a tense moment.
I practiced traditional couples therapy for well over a decade before beginning my training in Imago Relationship Therapy. The differences in outcome for couples has been amazing! Couples are given new skills, new ways of listening and relating.
What does the term IMAGO mean? What is IMAGO Relationship Therapy? Here is the Coles Notes version…Read more »
They provide an immediate surge of energy and a numbing of pain – a feeling of personal power, which is a cover for underlying feelings of helplessness and inadequacy.
The upside of any amphetamine is that you get the powerful surge of confidence, but it is followed by an equally powerful crash. You drop down even lower than where you started. Read more »
Approach is showing interest, enjoyment, compassion and care. You turn towards each other.
Avoid means you want to get away from your partner, blow off their perspective or have them shut up. The implication is that the other is not worth your attention.
Attack is an attempt to undermine confidence, to get the other person to agree with you and do what you want. Read more »